Sooooo like, what are we??
We say we're busy forever. I used to say "I just don't like hurting people.
I've since realized that sure, I don't like hurting people, but what's really happening is that I don't like guilt and anxiety and conflict, so I ignore or avoid the "problem" to gain the illusion that "it's" they've gone away And the reality is that they might go away, but they do so wondering what the heck just happened and sometimes send a string of angry text messages. So before I offer some tips on breaking up with someone, I want to qualify this.
I've been on both sides, many times. I've had my heart smashed to bits twice, and I'm pretty sure I've smashed a couple. I've been on the receiving end of a casual relationship ending over text message, Facebook Chat, the "phase-out," and the "I'm gonna drink few glasses of wine while you tell me you're seeing someone more seriously now and we can no longer talk. And maybe it's because my current relationship has actually lasted longer than two weeks I wouldn't be surprised if our friends had a betting pool going so it won't seem completely insensitive to blog about it, or maybe it's because I feel convicted enough in my research to let the judgment fly, but either way, let's talk about breaking hearts.
Carrie Bradshaw told us that there is a good way to break up with somebody. But I disagree, and I think one of the reasons we have so many "phase-outs" is because heartbreakers believe they should probably have the face-to-face conversation but can't tolerate what they might feel if they do. So ease up on your expectations.
Just set your goal to actually communicate to your in-the-dark admirer that you're no longer interested. Thus, the number one tip for breaking up with someone is to actually break up with them. If you can't do it face to face, do it over text message, email, or Facebook Chat. This is better than a phase out. Let's change the culture from the all-or-nothing face-to-face or disappearing act to make space for the means in-between.
Your ex will thank you, and you'll appreciate it when you're on the other end in the future. For example, don't say "I'm not emotionally available" or "You deserve better.
How To Tell If You're Dating, Seeing Each Other, Or Just Hooking Up - Narcity
Try something like, "I'm not totally invested in this, and I don't think it's fair to you to continue stringing you along," or "I've been seeing someone else and I think we're a better fit for each other. Don't keep liking their Instagram photos and FB statuses, sending them messages "Thinking of you! If you feel compelled to do any of the above, ask yourself if you're doing it for them or for you. I have a really hard time knowing people don't like me, but it's unrealistic to expect that an ex is going to just let a breakup slide off their back and switch to being buds with you.
Being rejected hurts, angers, and confuses peeps. The more selfless thing you can do in this situation is be firm with your decision. Remind yourself that feeling anxious, guilty, and conflicted and anything else is OK. It means you care. Don't try to ignore the feelings or tell yourself you shouldn't feel uncomfortable because you're choosing to end it.
Be kind to yourself. Anger is a natural reaction to hurt. Remember you're likely not impermeable to insult, so ensure you have supports as well to debrief any negative feedback you receive. At the end of it all, it sucks for both parties. Hurting someone sucks, and so does getting hurt. But remember that uncomfortable feelings and difficult experiences are all part of being a human. And, if you feel guilty, it's a good thing — it means you have a conscience. Food has the power to create a happier and healthier world.
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Every person-to-person experience is definitely different, but here are some ways to narrow down the different between dating, seeing eachother, or just hooking-up. If you're clocking a weekly spot with your bae, this is a great sign that they value your time together.
- 8 Signs You’re “Going Nowhere”!
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- 2. You're Overly Insecure.
- How To Tell If You're Dating, Seeing Each Other, Or Just Hooking Up.
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Casual snaps and texts throughout the week definitely bank you a couple points, too, as you're becoming apart of their day-to-day life. A consistent 2AM "U up? That's what sloppy, end-of-night snap-texts are for. Though we're all prone to empty promises sometimes, it's rare that you'd say "let's hang out" to someone who's personality is drier than the Sahara.
They like you, and they wanna keep doing cool shit with you. If you're seeing your S. O on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday - oh baby. This is prime going out time that they could easily reserve for friends or other dates for crying out loud. But they're not out with them - they're out with you! This also applies to days off for all our homies out there who aren't working s. If you are out and about trying new things and making fun memories - outside the sheets - there's a good chance they want to do more than hook-up with you.
You message eachother about your days, what's going on, and how life is going. If you can't go a day without messaging eachother or feel weird not hearing from them for a couple hours, it's probably a thing. Because you're in a good place and that's a great feeling.
If you glance at your S. O's phone and there isn't a campfire or a buzzing bee, maybe you're on the same page. However, if your friends catch their profiles while swiping, it might not be as serious as you think. Which leads us to the last point -. Let's face it, no one wants to be in a relationship where they're constantly asking themselves questions or feeling less than important.
4 Rational Reasons Why You Should Stop Dating Right Now
Yeah, it might be a little awkward but it's better than being in the dark. Worse case, they're just into something casual - at which point you can decide if you want to kick it label-less, or just kick'em to the curb.
- 8 Signs You’re “Going Nowhere”.
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